The Lump

I had my yearly super fun appoinment last week. The NP found a lump in my left breast, and recommended that I go to have a mammogram and ultrasound done. I had my appointment yesterday. I have never experienced such poor and insensitive care...

So I arrived to my appoinment, and the ultrasound tech asked me to immediately remove my shirt and bra and put on this awful wrap (it didn't even match my outfit!). Ummmm, hello...what's your name? I'm not just going to go topless for some random stranger?! After introducing herself, I changed into the wrap and laid on the cold, hard cot and waited for her to return. As she started the examination, she didn't say much. No warning for the cold ultrasound jelly (yes, they do make gel warmers these days...if you're planning on putting something chilly on my breast, could I have had a little warning?!) and then no explanation as to what she was doing. She asked me to hum. I did, and then asked why. She said that it helps to see if the lump is solid. I asked her what she saw. She replied "you work in healthcare, you know that I can't tell you that." Oh, really? Then I am sooo in the wrong field. If I need to rely on a physician to inform my patients and their families of every little thing that I'm doing to my patients (exams, diagnostic testing etc), then why bother with being a professional? I wasn't asking for a diagnosis. Just to see what she was seeing. Why is it that pregnant women leave an ultrasound appointment with a picture of their baby, and I couldn't even see my lump? Does it have teeth?! I mean, really. So, I shut my mouth...and alone, vulnerable and exposed, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

After the remaining exam, she did finally let me see the pictures. Indeed, there is a pretty large lump. It looked oval shaped and white on the screen...in contrast to the striated muscular tissue in shades of dark grey. It didn't look normal, that's for sure. I had to wait for the radiologist. 15 minutes later, she came in..."Well, you do have a lump in your breast. We're not really sure what it is, so you're going to need a biopsy." Me (thinking) Yeah, I saw that, and could have told myself that brilliant information. What exactly are you telling me? What are you going to do to take the biopsy? She had no answers. Just that she would be in touch with my "primary care" physician (btw I don't even have a PCP for many reasons; among them, I just MOVED!!!). I left the appointment even more terrified than when I arrived. Why is it so difficult to get a straight answer from *anyone*?

This morning I recieved a phone call from a surgeon's office. I don't know this surgeon, and you better believe that I'm not going to let some stranger take care of me again. And, why was a surgeon calling me? Do I have cancer? Are they planning on taking the lump out? My entire breast? Can someone please tell me (straight up) what is going on?

I will be conducting my own research on this lump issue, and then making an appropriate appointment, since apparently I cannot trust those caring for me to tell me the information that I need to make an informed decision. And, I will be bringing someone along to whatever appointment I make. I am 25 years old, and should be able to take care of this on my own, knowing that those caring for me are compassionate and sensitive. Apparently this is the exception to the rule.

I am dissapointed by this. I hope that none of you ever have to be subjected to similar poor care.

Love you all.